Barclays

Nobody handles money like Uber, so Uber needs more money to handle.

This is problematic, given that he runs a British bank.

Turns out “unofficial internship programs” for Asian magnates’ failchildren are frowned upon.

And unfortunately for Edward Bramson and the 3,000 of you without jobs, it’s not in the “deemphasize the investment bank” kind of way.

Jes Staley, who once bought a hedge fund with Epstein’s help, is taking his piece of Deutsche Bank’s prime brokerage.

Jes Staley has had quite enough of Edward Bramson.

Jes Staley is so dedicated to the business that he’s taking it for himself.

It sure sounded good in a press release, though.

Edward Bramson thinks Jes Staley’s victory lap was perhaps a bit premature.

Richard Boath reportedly calls bribes "bungs," and also doesn't know how bribes work.

It shouldn’t be possible, but it is Barclays.

Barclays had another quarter in which its I-bank wasn’t too embarrassing.

Sure, she’s escaping from Barclays, but still.

It’ll have to be worth at least $1.5 million to him.

Barclays’ chief gets to keep his investment bank and his job.

No choice but to surrender, eh, Jamie?

What to do with an unloved business that fails all the Goldilocks tests but still contributes most your revenue?

Throwing a few extra pence his shareholders’ has him moving up from John Cryan levels of popularity to the Brian Moynihan-esque.