London Whale Prevents Tragic Miscarriage Of Justice
It turns out he was trying to put the wrong people in jail.
The London Whale Guy Would Like To Have A Few Hundred Thousand Words With Jamie Dimon
Bruno Iksil has penned a novel-length denunciation of JPMorgan that alleges...something.
No One Is Ever Going To Jail Over That Whole London Whale Thing
You probably knew that already.
London Whale Also Not Responsible For Those Last 10 Pounds You Haven't Lost
There are a lot of things that, if you wanted to, you could legitimately blame on former JP Morgan employee London P. Whale. The $6.2 billion trading loss the bank incurred over the summer. Ina Drew getting fired. This awkward phone call. Some stuff you can't pin on him, though many have tried: male pattern baldness, the bombing of Pearl Harbor, Apple Maps, Lehman Brothers' bankruptcy, tempting as it may be.
Call The JPMorgan (Whale Loss) Close (Updated)
Did Bruno Iksil make the bank -$2 billion? -$9 billion? -$20 billion? Was this all just a hoax and he actually didn't lose any money at all? JPMorgan will let us know tomorrow at 7AM. Standard Price Is Right rules, closest without going over. Guesses in by 4PM today. Winner will receive his or her choice of a visit from the sandwich fairy, a highly coveted whale bath toy, or an I heart Dealbreaker button.
Analysts Attempt To Call The JPMorgan (Second Quarter) Close
Despite Jamie Dimon's promise that JPMorgan will be "solidly profitable" for the quarter, some are skeptical given the growing estimates of Whale-boy's losses. According Mike Mayo, the bank "will only make $727 million...including $4 billion of losses in the unit that made the bungled bet [though] if the losses exceed $5 billion, JPMorgan could make an overall loss." Barclays' Jason Goldberg thinks things are gonna be okay here, and sees the bank making $3.3 billion, assuming you know who will have only lost it $3 billion when all is said and done. And yourselves? Start considering your predictions now, as come July 13, there will be a visit from the Sandwich Fairy and a coveted bath toy for whoever comes closest without going over. Will The Whale Swallow JPMorgan's Second-Quarter Earnings [Dealbook]
JPMorgan Isn't Ready To Let Bruno Iksil Go
You can take your said to be leavings and stick them where the sun don't shine for all Jamie Dimon cares! Bruno Iksil, the London-based JPMorgan Chase & Co trader known as the "whale" believed to have been involved in the company's $2 billion loss in derivatives, is still employed by JPMorgan, a spokeswoman for the bank said on Wednesday. Kristin Lemkau responded to a report on the New York Times website saying that Iksil is leaving the company. "He is still employed," Lemkau said. JPMorgan still employs "whale" trader [Reuters] ‘London Whale’ Said to Be Leaving JPMorgan [Dealbook]
JPMorgan Chief Risk Officer: "I want to reiterate the critical role that we play at J.P. Morgan Chase"
In case that was unclear. Also, no more "surprises" like you know what again, please.