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Bright side: Those not good enough even for the French bank could also try for a certain German one.

Mmm, the smell of pink slips wafting in from Battery Park City on the warming air.

The Swiss lender is pretty sure all that time spent complaining about gender equity could be spent parenting that baby who ruined your career.

One Deutsche Banker describes this bonus season as feeling like "a prelude to just shutting the whole thing down."

Wells Fargo bonus season is going as well as you'd expect.

Because a little birdy tells us that the folks at Athene Asset Management seem to be feeling unloved.

We're no math geniuses, but can Deutsche Bank cut bonuses back from nothing?

We call this a "Canadian Brag."

Dmitry Balyasny’s latest best idea is to can 20% of his employees.

This is getting very dark, very quickly.

The bank tells Bloomberg that it isn't mulling over layoffs, which makes us wonder "why not?"

He's getting better and being better every day, you guys.

What's the German compound word for "Put the mango down! Mango is for closers"?

Sounds like a few dozen people are coming around to the idea that UBS sucks.

Die Götterdämmerung of 60 Wall Street has begun.

Big Apple bankers have almost put that financial crisis unpleasantness behind them, paycheck-wise.

If you can't replace him, you better pay him.

This "anything you can do, we can do better" shit has gone TOO far.