Junior JPMorgan Chasers Urged To Grind Themselves To Dust To Pay For Jamie Dimon’s Latest Bonus And Also Find Themselves
Both of which are completely unnecessary for purpose, but apparently necessary to maintaining Wall Street’s culture or something.
Compensation Watch ’20-‘21: Peripatetic Private Equity People
You needn’t so much as leave your heart in San Francisco to keep getting paid.
Surprisingly, Dan Loeb Doesn’t Want To Be In The International Tourism Luxury Goods Business Anymore
Please don’t make him. (You probably can’t, anyway.)
Carlyle Group Pretty Pleased It’s Not The Vanguard Group
Especially since its investors seem just as pleased, for some reason.
Carlyle Chief: Trump Right About Strong Dollar, Not Helping Things
David Rubenstein is cowering before a 'roided-out US dollar.
Lloyd Blankfein's Eldest Son Has Been Quietly Chilling At Carlyle For Over A Year
The apple falls approximately 230 miles from the tree.
Carlyle Co-Founder Has Very Unpleasant Island Vacation
Bill Conway knows what we're talking about.
Carlyle Having Second Thoughts On This Whole Hedge Fund Thing
It's mulling over the idea of shutting down it's $4bn credit fund.
Bridge Closures To Wall Street Money Will Hamper Chris Christie's Road To The White House
It's time for traffic problems in fundraising land.
Wells CEO Highest-Paid Bank Chief, Carlyle Founders Profoundly Unimpressed
If you had John Stumpf in the office "highest-paid U.S. bank CEO for 2012" pool, congratulations.
Bill Gross Is Not The Only One Who Feels Fat
Are your pants getting a little tight? Have you become convinced mirrors have a personal vendetta against you? Are you too distracted by the rolls spilling over your pants to trade? Do you find yourself veering off course in your letters to investors to talk about your love handles? Is it only a matter of time before you lose your firm billions and/or take down the entire market because your fingers are so big they span four keys each on the keyboard? Do you want to do something about it but are repulsed by the idea of healthy eating and exercise and also know yourself well enough to realize that there is no way you're going to be able to stay strong if everyone around you is eating delicious fried food at lunch and sooner or later you, a usually pretty mild-mannered guy, will be leaping across a row of Bloomberg terminals and threatening to kill a coworker (and meaning it) unless he hands over Ho Ho now? Then round up your tubbiest colleagues and tell them they're in for a real treat. Eric Helms, who founded the four-year-old Cooler Cleanse company with the actress Salma Hayek, says office cleansers now make up 30 percent of his business, and in the last year he has hired three customer-service employees just to handle the details of them. He said there has been a “huge increase in popularity” of cleansing with co-workers in the last year, which he credits to juice diets being more mainstream. “Everyone knows someone who’s done one, and they realize they’re a lot easier to do with colleagues during the workweek,” he said. “People want to indulge” — not sip celery — “on weekends.” Recent six-juice-a-day-dieters include employees at Merrill Lynch and the Carlyle Group, she said. In May, Citigroup began offering BluePrintCleanse in some of its Manhattan cafeterias, a spokeswoman said...About two-thirds of cleanse clients over all are women, but corporate cleanses “commonly skew toward men, especially traders, investment bankers and lawyers,” said Jina Wye, director of sales and marketing for BluePrintCleanse, founded in 2007 by two former Hudson Hotel bartenders looking to swap their poisons. (Mr. Helms said 90 percent of his male customers are part of groups.) Ms. Wye said: “These Type-A men have an all-or-none perspective. If they’re going to commit, they do it whole hog.” Most popular among male en masse cleansers: the Excavation cleanse, described on the Web site as “the most intense.” And if you want to really crank things up a notch, consider gauging interest in a group colonic to top things off. Cleansing From Cubicle To Cubicle [NYT] Related: I’m afraid I might tell her to buy a gun and just shoot me before the fat and the cellulite strike again.
Jimmy Lee: Credit Markets are "Wide Open"
Jimmy Lee, JPMorgan’s legendary dealmaker, just finished up CNBC’s new show, Strategy Session. Not only did he say the credit markets “are wide open,” but up to $10 billion in debt is now available for an LBO, provided it sits on top of about $5 billion in equity and is, of course, the right kind of company.