Mike Corbat: “I got creamed by that December volatility…come at me, bro.”
John Dugan is the new chairman of the world's most boring megabank.
Citi tells Amazon to split in two, wonders aloud if there are any banks that know how to do that.
Here's a dumb thing you might not have noticed about another dumb thing.
Sorry Seth Golden, it's Jamie Dimon's turn to make some money now.
After all, it wasn’t misleading any really important clients.
We presume at this point that even secretaries at Deutsche Bank are empowered to cut $80 million checks to make people/regulators go away.
Citi might be rethinking the whole "let them come sue us" thing.
No Brexits this quarter, unfortunately.
Or why Citi, according to its own logic, is undercapitalized by $50 billion.
The kids like Apple, right?
Yeah, Michael Corbat has a Lloyd Blankfein poster in his locker, so what?
"I don't want more beans on toast, Jamie Dimon. I want to go HOME!"
Turns out the bank's head trader on the Treasury futures desk had a creative approach to the job.
The Van Gogh of bank trolls will not be stopped by a mere sudden lack of employment.
Investors seem psyched that Wells even got out of bed today.
Cool bro Mikey Corbat is embracing that millennial management vibe.
C'mon, Citi, think this stuff through.
Proving that robots still haven't truly mastered the human art of fucking things up.