Citigroup

Never again will a bank have to admit how bad at banking it is in court, at least on this matter.

Finders keepers is apparently a genuine precedent under New York State law.

Sure, things were bad enough for Corbat to essentially get fired, but not bad enough to keep him from an eight-figure payday.

You don’t think a bank doing well would hand the reins to someone so conspicuously lacking in a penis if it were doing well, do you?

Here’s a hint - it rhymes with “snare.”

The not-46th-president-of-the-United-States made history this week all the same.

And private equity firms have even bigger concerns.

Really, it was about someone fucking up on our side. Honest.

Who needs special when you can have scale?

In fairness to them, the whole paying-Revlon’s-debt-early thing is incredibly funny.

And that doesn’t even take into account the QAnon guy.

It was a risk she could neither account for nor do anything about.

Of course, Jane Fraser should remember what happened to the last Queen Jane.

We suppose it’s the really the least they could do.

In other words, whose pretense will most successfully sway a judge.

That’s how it’s supposed to work, right?

Nothing is f*cked, dude.

The world’s fattest bank (in more ways than one) is preparing a crash diet.