Citigroup

Really, it was about someone fucking up on our side. Honest.

Who needs special when you can have scale?

In fairness to them, the whole paying-Revlon’s-debt-early thing is incredibly funny.

And that doesn’t even take into account the QAnon guy.

It was a risk she could neither account for nor do anything about.

Of course, Jane Fraser should remember what happened to the last Queen Jane.

We suppose it’s the really the least they could do.

In other words, whose pretense will most successfully sway a judge.

That’s how it’s supposed to work, right?

Nothing is f*cked, dude.

The world’s fattest bank (in more ways than one) is preparing a crash diet.

Others need not apply. Or, they can, but expect that application to get lost in a mountain of paperwork.

But the Mooch hopes that, like his divorce, this split's not permanent.

Call it Blankfein’s revenge.

Banks are willing to give it the money, for some reason.

Thanks for nothing, Wall Street.

It’s cheap, it’s (somewhat) effective and it makes everyone happy (except for the people going to jail).

Michael Corbat promotes Jane Fraser to heir apparent at Citi, meaning Jamie Dimon better retire if he wants to make herstory.