Deutsche Bank
![How do you say, "low six-month fix" in emojis? Helar Lukats [CC BY-SA 4.0], via Wikimedia Commons](https://dealbreaker.com/.image/ar_16:9%2Cc_fill%2Ccs_srgb%2Cfl_progressive%2Cg_faces:center%2Cq_auto:good%2Cw_620/MTYxMjc3MTIyODIwMTIyNTg4/whatsapp.jpg)
WhatsApp Is Free… Until It Isn’t
Failing to keep track of the untrackable is proving very expensive for banks.
SEC Probing Whether Goldman Managed To Violate Its Impossibly Easy ESG Standards
Your funds don’t actually have to help save the world, but they do have to live up to their marketing materials.
Compensation Watch ’22: Deutsche Bank Strats
If you don’t leave, you still won’t make as much as your peers elsewhere, but the gap won’t be quite as embarrassing.
Jeez, If You Didn’t Know Any Better, You’d Almost Say Deutsche Bank Looks Like A Criminal Organization
What with all of the cops crawling all over the place and all.
It Sure Is Handy That The German Police Already Know Where Deutsche Bank Keeps Its Suspicious Activity Reports
Because they’re back for another look.
Deutsche Bank’s Values Now Apparently Include Shunning Aggressive Warmongers
We know, they didn’t include that three days ago.
![By World Economic Forum (Flickr: The Global Financial Context: James Dimon) [CC BY-SA 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons](https://dealbreaker.com/.image/ar_16:9%2Cc_fill%2Ccs_srgb%2Cfl_progressive%2Cg_faces:center%2Cq_auto:good%2Cw_620/MTYxMjc3MzI1MjE5Mjc2Mjc3/jamie.jpg)
If Goldman Sachs Won’t Do Business In Russia, Jamie Dimon Guesses He Can’t, Either
Deutsche Bank, though? Still very much in Moscow.
New York Attorney General ‘Concludes’ Trump Committed Fraud, Isn’t Gonna Do Anything About It Just Yet
I mean, we know it’s mostly just lying to Deutsche Bank, but it whether his Trump Tower apartment is 30,000 square feet or one-third that size seems pretty cut and dried.
Layoffs Watch: Credit Suisse Prime Brokers
Turns out you don’t need them if you’re not offering prime brokerage services anymore.
![By Chris Potter (Flickr: 3D Judges Gavel) [CC BY 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons](https://dealbreaker.com/.image/ar_16:9%2Cc_fill%2Ccs_srgb%2Cfl_progressive%2Cg_faces:center%2Cq_auto:good%2Cw_620/MTYxMjc3MTIzODkyNjg0Mjc3/gavel.jpg)
Circumlocution, What-About-ism Not A Winning Strategy For Hedge Fund Manager In Court
Turns out British judges are real sticklers for evidence backing allegations.
Deutsche Bank May Have Managed To Break Its Deal With The Justice Department Literally Before The Ink Was Dry
If any bank could do it, the Germans are it.
![By U.S. Government [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons](https://dealbreaker.com/.image/ar_16:9%2Cc_fill%2Ccs_srgb%2Cfl_progressive%2Cg_faces:center%2Cq_auto:good%2Cw_620/MTYxMjc3MjA4NzE4MzUzOTA5/cftc.jpg)
Actually, That Information Wasn’t So Much Worthless As Worth $200 Million
The CFTC misspoke initially.
Deutsche Bank Lie About Progress In A Key Area? Impossible!
The Germans are alleged to not be taking ESG terribly seriously.
Deutsche Bank Thinks There Might Be Something To Criticisms Of Its Compliance Program
After a ten-year Teutonic tempest, it’s coming around.
Prosecutors Successfully Spoof Spoofer To Prison
And even more successfully cite the specter of reefer madness.
Bonus Watch ’21: One 35-Year-Old Deutsche Banker
Name your price, Mark Spehn, and then give Ken Griffin a call.
Fed Still Not Convinced Deutsche Bank Is Serious About Not Laundering Money
What with the backsliding in spite of the massive investments in AML, and all.
Layoffs Watch ’21: Deutsche Bank
Even after 18,000 job cuts, the Germans think they look a bit flabby.
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Probation Officials: Sure, Spoofing Is Illegal, But, Like, Not That Illegal
Certainly not prison illegal, really, if you think about it.