Imagine thinking that bringing on a piece of Wells Fargo is a net-plus.
$5.1 billion in fines demands a $174 million decrease in the comfort of millionaires.
It’s clock-striking-midnight dealmaking time at the Justice Department.
Luckily for David Solomon, Bill Barr is super-busy destroying democracy these days.
You won’t need to worry about profits doubling once Marcus is in charge.
A Goldman partnership will not only bring precedence, but also the wealth that others associate with it.
And his father sort of wishes he could do the same.
Come on, you guys, everyone else is getting one.
A font to fix it all.
What can Dave Solomon do to get you into a new car with a built-in credit card today?
Quickly enough to need to restate those earnings.
Wait for a politically convenient moment, pay less.
I mean, sure, a 50% jump in profits seems great, but he wouldn’t want to set expectations too high.
But not without delivering another, posthumous “F.U.” to the late former Fed chief.
Also, isn’t a $2 billion fine for ripping a country off of $6.5 billion sort of excessive, when you think about it, Attorney General Barr?
OK, maybe not the least, but going back to the office is still gonna suck.
What Larry Summers meant to say was that the tall half-billionaire is a “lame, cheesy asshole.”
That’s what the Justice Department intended, right?
The stagecoach has a ways to go before the Morgans feel the shock of recognition.
There will be no banking intern vomit on Stone Street this year.