investment banking
Goldman Sachs Old-Timers Don’t Like These Flashy, Attention-Grabbing Execs
Oh, are they women? We hadn’t noticed.
Layoffs Watch ’22: Goldman Sachs
Dealmakers without deals to make are also dealmakers without jobs.
![This makes us a quant, right? By No machine-readable author provided. Skies assumed (based on copyright claims). [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons](https://dealbreaker.com/.image/ar_16:9%2Cc_fill%2Ccs_srgb%2Cfl_progressive%2Cg_faces:center%2Cq_auto:good%2Cw_620/MTYxMjc3MTE1MzAzODYzNzk3/computer.jpg)
Credit Suisse To Pull BlackBerrys, Apple IIes Out Of Storage
There’s nowhere else to cut, so we hope the Swiss are good at long division.
If You’re Not Spreading A Deadly Pathogen Around The Globe, You’re Just Not Cut Out For Investment Banking
Tales from the pestilent road(show).
![By Steve Jurvetson (Flickr: Jamie Dimon, CEO of JPMorgan Chase) [CC BY 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons](https://dealbreaker.com/.image/ar_16:9%2Cc_fill%2Ccs_srgb%2Cfl_progressive%2Cg_faces:center%2Cq_auto:good%2Cw_620/MTYxMjc3MTk2NjM4NTYxNzgx/jamie-dimon.jpg)
Can You Stop Asking Jamie Dimon About Voting Rights And Start Asking Him About That Quarter?
Four hundred percent, people! Four hundred percent!
HSBC Encouraging Those I-Bankers Who Can To Leave And The Rest To Just Slack Off
Luckily, under its current plan, there will be no need for another awkward conversation on the matter next year.
Credit Suisse Traders Exactly Half As Valuable To Bank As Wealth Managers
The Swiss have, as is their wont, precisely quantified the investment bank’s status.
Goldman Sachs Changes 60 Slightly Less White, Less Male But Every Bit As Trader- and I-Banker-y Lives
David Solomon’s retail revolution has yet to hit the partnership.
Bonus Watch ’20: Deutsche I-Bankers
We can’t believe we’re saying it any more than they can believe they’re hearing it.
The Part Of Goldman Sachs David Solomon Is Getting Rid Of Posts Record Quarter
You won’t need to worry about profits doubling once Marcus is in charge.
Jes Staley Doubles Down On Diversification
He loves Barclays investment bank, and he really loves the idea of investment bankers working in back rooms of strip malls in Swindon.
Bonus Watch ‘20: Barclays I-Bankers
Jes Staley loves you guys, he just doesn’t love paying you guys.
Who Told Henry Kravis This I-Banking Thing Was A Good Idea?
Whoever it was should probably be polishing their resume, once the security guards finish escorting them out.
Major League Baseball Is Even More All About The Money This Offseason
Sure, it's weird that MLB is letting investment funds grab equity in franchises, but at least the teams are already obsessed with being investment grade.
Goldman Sachs Dealing With A Third Quarter Hipster Hangover
Over at 200 West Street, the trading Trotskyites are bailing out the WeWork-investing Stalinists [this is a perfect allegory].
Robinhood Now Daring Goldman Sachs Not To Acquire It
DJ D-Sol should ask Charles Schwab about the wisdom of ignoring the kamikaze trading platform for Millennials.
WeWork Asks Wall Street To Value It At More Than $20 Billion Or GTFO
This is escalating quickly.
Usurper David Solomon Finally Frees Himself Of The True Heir To The Goldman Sachs Throne
Marty Chavez is going back to his New Mexico monastery.
JPMorgan Has Put In The Hours Needed To Get Hammered On The WeWork IPO
Jamie Dimon seduced Adam Neumann in what we assume was a "Dangerous Liaisons" wager scenario with Lloyd Blankfein.
Wells Fargo's Charlotte I-Bankers Morale Suffering Because Everyone Is Getting Fat On Fast Food And Constantly Taking Massive Dumps
Due to new office policy, One Wells Fargo Center literally has The McSh!ts.
Deutsche Bank Informing 18,000 People That It's Basically A Community Bank Now, And Also They Are Fired
The Age of Denial is over and the Deutsche Bank we know is truly dead.
Slack's Direct Listing So Successful That People Will Be Talking Trash About Conventional IPOs On Slack
Don't watch, Uber, or Lyft, or Snap, or et al.