Jeffrey Epstein

It’s measured in eight figures.

Apologies to the Virgin Islands authorities, but in spite of the shared last name, he’s got no idea where to find him.

Denise George has some questions (and document requests) for the billionaire.

Turns out no one’s born with the moniker “RELATIONSHIP MANAGER-1.”

Maybe next time listen to those voices asking, “Is it a good idea to do business with a sex offender?”

You might think they’re not related issues, but to Edward Bramson it’s like the big reveal in the DaVinci Code, a book I have not read.

They’d like to know if he improperly kept his underwear on in his disclosures to them.

Not that his retirement has anything to do with the dead pedophile, of course.

Answer: How all Dartmouth men eat.

In a bizarre interview, Stuart Pivar claims Epstein “couldn’t help himself,” while insisting that his victims were “complicit” in their own abuse.

Certainly enough (allegedly) to earn some breast meat on T-Day, if you catch my drift.

And he does it via Charlie Gasparino in case any of you were afraid this wasn't sufficiently batshit.

The 66-year-old former Bear Stearns i-banker has reportedly hung himself in his Manhattan jail cell.

Now that you mention it, that federal sex trafficking charge is reminiscent of Les catching Epstein stealing "vast sums" of money from him back in 2007.

That's some memo, Leon.

Jes Staley, who once bought a hedge fund with Epstein’s help, is taking his piece of Deutsche Bank’s prime brokerage.

Admitting to collecting fees from a notorious sex criminal is somehow only the third-worst thing that has happened to Deutsche Bank in the last 24 hours.

When's the last time you heard about Deutsche uncovering some weird transactions?...Wait, don't answer that.