Jeffrey Epstein

Not that his retirement has anything to do with the dead pedophile, of course.

Answer: How all Dartmouth men eat.

In a bizarre interview, Stuart Pivar claims Epstein “couldn’t help himself,” while insisting that his victims were “complicit” in their own abuse.

Certainly enough (allegedly) to earn some breast meat on T-Day, if you catch my drift.

And he does it via Charlie Gasparino in case any of you were afraid this wasn't sufficiently batshit.

The 66-year-old former Bear Stearns i-banker has reportedly hung himself in his Manhattan jail cell.

Now that you mention it, that federal sex trafficking charge is reminiscent of Les catching Epstein stealing "vast sums" of money from him back in 2007.

That's some memo, Leon.

Jes Staley, who once bought a hedge fund with Epstein’s help, is taking his piece of Deutsche Bank’s prime brokerage.

Admitting to collecting fees from a notorious sex criminal is somehow only the third-worst thing that has happened to Deutsche Bank in the last 24 hours.

When's the last time you heard about Deutsche uncovering some weird transactions?...Wait, don't answer that.

The sex monster and alleged financier poses a "danger to the community" and will not get bail.

The Simon & Simon of hedge funders are on the case for NY Mag.

Seriously, let's use this quasi-legitimate platform to find someone who has done business with the most hated man in America today.

Alex Acosta is gonna go find something else to do badly now.

Oh, Deutsche, you beautiful monster.

Why does everyone on the Upper East Side look so nervous?