John Waldron
Brian Moynihan Tries To Call Jamie Dimon A P*ssy With Spectacular Self-Own
Pfffft. Who isn’t living in an unrelenting hellscape all the time? God.
Bonus Watch ’21: Up-And-Coming Local D.J.s
David Solomon better hope Lollapalooza pays well if Glass Lewis gets its way.
Unnecessary Bonus Watch ’21: David Solomon
He doesn’t need the extra $50 million to stick around, but the board’s giving it to him anyway.
Bonus Watch ’20: BriMoy Backtracks, Still Stiffing Rainmakers
And David Solomon & co. are still paying for the sins of others.
(Taking Back) Bonus(es) Watch: Current, Former Goldman Sachs CEOs
$5.1 billion in fines demands a $174 million decrease in the comfort of millionaires.
More Senior Traders Are Taking Their Butter And Going Home* From Goldman Sachs
*"Home" in this case being BlueCrest Capital Management.
Goldman Sachs Dealing With A Third Quarter Hipster Hangover
Over at 200 West Street, the trading Trotskyites are bailing out the WeWork-investing Stalinists [this is a perfect allegory].
Usurper David Solomon Finally Frees Himself Of The True Heir To The Goldman Sachs Throne
Marty Chavez is going back to his New Mexico monastery.
Goldman Sachs Manages To Beat Estimates By Paying Everyone Like They Fell Short Of Estimates, Which They Actually Did
DJ D-Sol paid Goldmen less in Q1, but how long can he keep doing that?
New Policy Ensures That There’s A 50% Chance A Future Bald CEO Of Goldman Sachs Will Be A Woman
DJ D-Sol looking to spin way more ladies nights at 200 West St.
Goldman Sachs CEO David Solomon Appears At Alma Mater Hamilton College To Prove That Elite Colleges Do Not Predict Future Success
This is the reminder of American possibility that we all needed right now.
Area DJ Refusing To Wear Tie At Lame Day Job
David Solomon proving that he truly is Goldman Sachs' cool new dad.
David Solomon's Culling Of Goldman Sachs Traders Reportedly Catches A Major Body
20-year veteran and head of program is thought to be the latest victim of DJ D-Sol and John Waldron's trading floor megadeath.
Goldman Sachs Destroys Estimates By Pretending That It's An Investment Bank Again
After dressing up the world's most potent financial services company as a 90's era M&A i-bank, DJ D-Sol is apparently into cosplay.
David Solomon Cuts Himself Some Slack By Naming Fewer Partners That He Will Eventually Have To Crush When They Yearn For His Throne
Unlike those silly traders, a greybeard investment banker like DJ D-Sol will quell the rebellion before it even begins.
David Solomon Goes Lady MacBeth On Marty Chavez
Poor John Waldron will never know what evil he has done for love.