JPMorgan Chase
JPMorgan Might Wish Its Metals Desk Didn’t Allegedly Spoof Just To Keep Its Secrets Out Of Open Court
This is even worse than a $1 billion settlement.
JPMorgan’s List Of Reasons For Firing Mouthy Compliance Officers Look An Awful Lot Like Anti-Whistleblower Retaliation
And that’s not us saying it: It’s a judge.
Fourth Poorest State In U.S. Commits To Paying More For Financial Services
The bottom line only matters to Republicans when they’re not making cheap populist points.
Shareholders Of America’s Worst Bank Amply Rewarded For, Uh, Well, We’re Not Sure, Exactly
Charlie Scharf offers bread and circuses to keep the Wells Fargo masses from calling for his head.
![It's morning again in America. CC BY-SA 2.5], via Wikimedia Commons](https://dealbreaker.com/.image/ar_16:9%2Cc_fill%2Ccs_srgb%2Cfl_progressive%2Cg_faces:center%2Cq_auto:good%2Cw_620/MTYxMjc3NjcwOTY0Mjc1MTY0/subdivision.jpg)
Layoffs Watch ’22: JPMorgan Chase, Wells Fargo
If you can do something other than mortgages, great. If not…
Brian Moynihan Tries To Call Jamie Dimon A P*ssy With Spectacular Self-Own
Pfffft. Who isn’t living in an unrelenting hellscape all the time? God.
Bonus Watch: JPMorgan Chase CEOs
Jamie Dimon’s one-time-only special retention bonus will definitely not happen again.
Eyewear Company Thinks JPMorgan Needs Some Glasses
The better to spot the obvious fraud with. And also maybe to read this lawsuit it just filed.
Jamie Dimon Runs His 2024 Presidential Platform By Guy He Plans To Replace
The next president of the United States is from Queens, but it won’t be the last president of the United States from Queens.
![By World Economic Forum (Flickr: The Global Financial Context: James Dimon) [CC BY-SA 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons](https://dealbreaker.com/.image/ar_16:9%2Cc_fill%2Ccs_srgb%2Cfl_progressive%2Cg_faces:center%2Cq_auto:good%2Cw_620/MTYxMjc3MzI1MjE5Mjc2Mjc3/jamie.jpg)
If Goldman Sachs Won’t Do Business In Russia, Jamie Dimon Guesses He Can’t, Either
Deutsche Bank, though? Still very much in Moscow.
Billionaire Says He Just Got ‘Lucky’ When Friend Sold His Company To Microsoft
Definitely no exchange of non-public information involved, sayeth Barry Diller.
Russian Army Hasn’t Succeeded In Conquering Ukraine, But It Has Put The IPO Market On Ice
That’s what this was all about, right?
The Student Has Become The Master
That or Wells Fargo finally found a depth from which there was nowhere to go but up.
Firing Watch ’22: Jamie Dimon Is Itching To Make An Example Of You Anti-Vaxxers
Stand in the way of his forcing people back to the office, get canned.
Layoffs Watch: Credit Suisse Prime Brokers
Turns out you don’t need them if you’re not offering prime brokerage services anymore.
Goldman Acknowledges Extremely Virulent Disease Spreading Across The Globe, Is Pretty Sure It’ll All Be Over In Two Weeks
Which is when you will be back at your desks, goddamnit, epidemiology notwithstanding.
No One Knows What The Hell Is Going On
Davos? No. Holiday parties? Maybe. Vaccine mandates? It’s up to Neil Gorsuch.
New Unfortunate COVID Vaccine Side Effect: Having To Go To The Office
Congrats, holdouts! You get to work from home for the foreseeable future.
Bonus Watch ’21: Goldman Sachs and JPMorgan Chase
D-Sol and Dimon are getting in the holiday spirit.
Jamie Dimon Is A Pretty Permissive Babysitter, It Turns Out
He really let the kids run wild on their devices without even a glance.
This Is Not Hong Kong, Elon, This Is Wall Street. There Are Rules.
Jamie Dimon thinks Tesla is over the line.
Jamie Dimon Back To No Longer Publicly Hiding His Disdain For Cryptos
He’s back to calling them worthless and comparing them to cigarettes.
![By Chris Potter (Flickr: 3D Judges Gavel) [CC BY 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons](https://dealbreaker.com/.image/ar_16:9%2Cc_fill%2Ccs_srgb%2Cfl_progressive%2Cg_faces:center%2Cq_auto:good%2Cw_620/MTYxMjc3MTIzODkyNjg0Mjc3/gavel.jpg)
Who Says Federal Judges Can’t Trade Stocks Of Companies Whose Cases They’re Presiding Over?
Oh, the law says it. Huh.