Firing Watch ’22: Jamie Dimon Is Itching To Make An Example Of You Anti-Vaxxers
Stand in the way of his forcing people back to the office, get canned.
Goldman Acknowledges Extremely Virulent Disease Spreading Across The Globe, Is Pretty Sure It’ll All Be Over In Two Weeks
Which is when you will be back at your desks, goddamnit, epidemiology notwithstanding.
New Unfortunate COVID Vaccine Side Effect: Having To Go To The Office
Congrats, holdouts! You get to work from home for the foreseeable future.
Jamie Dimon Is A Pretty Permissive Babysitter, It Turns Out
He really let the kids run wild on their devices without even a glance.
This Is Not Hong Kong, Elon, This Is Wall Street. There Are Rules.
Jamie Dimon thinks Tesla is over the line.
Jamie Dimon Back To No Longer Publicly Hiding His Disdain For Cryptos
He’s back to calling them worthless and comparing them to cigarettes.
David Solomon Wants To Help You Buy That New Vacuum Cleaner
In fairness, Marcus Goldman got his start peddling household goods, so….
Junior JPMorgan Chasers Urged To Grind Themselves To Dust To Pay For Jamie Dimon’s Latest Bonus And Also Find Themselves
Both of which are completely unnecessary for purpose, but apparently necessary to maintaining Wall Street’s culture or something.
You’ve Heard From The Best, Now Hear From The Rest
Wall Street’s also-rans confirm that the second quarter was a good one indeed for banks.
Jamie Dimon Too Busy Buying Fintechs To Check In On Fintech He Already Owns
The SEC, on the other hand…
Jamie Dimon Trolling Marianne Lake By Making Her Run Something With Her Competition
This will season her up good.
Wells, BofA Prove Stimulus Is Working By Not Looking Like Dogsh*t In Q1
If even they are inoculated, there’s hope for us all.
Can You Stop Asking Jamie Dimon About Voting Rights And Start Asking Him About That Quarter?
Four hundred percent, people! Four hundred percent!
Wells, JPMorgan Saving A Great St. Patrick’s Day Present For You
Other banks have chosen getting stimulus money to their customers ASAP, but the big guys are planning a green gift on the greenest day.
Citi Stupidity Clause Now Standard Feature Of Debt Deals
Never again will a bank have to admit how bad at banking it is in court, at least on this matter.