JPMorgan Chase

The first rule of bailout money is: Talk a lot about what you’re doing with your bailout money.

An eager and not-at-all-shellshocked world greets the arrival of Square Financial Services.

Of course, they’ll have a hell of a time proving it, but they just want to make themselves clear.

If you’ve been in contact with Solus Alternative Asset Management’s flagship, please lock your door right away and swallow the key.

But don’t worry, little stagecoach drivers: Jamie Dimon’s son-in-law is figuring out how to fix all of those broken wooden wheels.

This is getting exhausting.

They’d like to know if he improperly kept his underwear on in his disclosures to them.

Expensify has chosen a weird way to pitch itself to JPMorgan.

Comrade Sanders is threatening to erode society, by which Jamie Dimon presumably means his $1.7 billion (and growing!) fortune.

JPMorgan sees Citi’s 31% trading boost and 12% RoE and raises it 55% and 15%.

Someone who is running for president would like to know.

Thanks for nothing, Wall Street.

Either way, the regulators don’t think they need extra monitoring anymore.

He’s got to do something for the next four years.

At least, federal prosecutors hope it is.

Give him your hungry, your tired, your convicted felons yearning to, uh, say hello to people as they enter a Chase branch.

Certain bankers might wish to avoid entering any Saudi diplomatic posts for the time being.

Jamie's people are relatively happy while Wells Fargo's people...work at Wells Fargo.