Goldman Acknowledges Extremely Virulent Disease Spreading Across The Globe, Is Pretty Sure It’ll All Be Over In Two Weeks
Which is when you will be back at your desks, goddamnit, epidemiology notwithstanding.
Hertz Would Like To Sell You Half A Billion Worth Of Worthless Stock
Behold, the most amazing regulatory filing in the history of stupid capitalism.
Paulson & Co. To Stay A Mostly Family Office For At Least Two More Years
After that and President Trump’s triumphant reelection, JP’s leaving his clients and the rest of us and hightailing it to Puerto Rico.
Deutsche Bank Wondering Aloud If Anyone Wants To Buy A Totally Healthy Not-At-All Broken German Bank
Paul Achleitner has a plan...well, a new plan, the other plans were disastrous and he sees that now.
Barclays Pledges To Be Quick About Getting Its Sh*t Together
New CEO John "Mack the Knife" McFarlane has is machete out and is ready to hack through not only employees but all the red tape gumming up the works at the British bank.
SAC Capital Invites Employees To Gather 'Round For A Chat That Could Simply Be To Notify Everyone They're Switching Fleece Manufacturers
What? Anything is possible and that would be grounds for an all-staff call. You don't know.
Layoffs Watch '12: Citigroup Is On Top Of Its Firings
For those worried they'd fallen behind.
Layoffs Watch '12: Deutsche Bank Not Yet Finished Telling Employees To Hit The Bricks
These things take time. Deutsche Bank is eliminating about 85 jobs at its Japan and Hong Kong equities units as Europe’s widening debt crisis curbs economic growth in Asia. The bank cut about 15 positions in Tokyo yesterday, and plans to tell 30 employees in equity research, sales and trading today that they will be dismissed, three people with knowledge of the matter said. The Frankfurt-based company trimmed 40 jobs in Hong Kong yesterday, according to another person, who asked not to be identified because the information is private. [Bloomberg]
Tim Geithner's Father-In-Law Sounds Like A Delightful Drunk*
Make what you will of this somewhat bizarre story but our takeaway is that the Treasury Secretary's FIL would make a great party guest and/or Benihana tablemate. Food critic Albert Sonnenfeld, whose daughter, Carole, is wed to the country’s top money man, stunned strangers at Bar Boulud Thursday night when he claimed President Obama’s nomination of Dartmouth College president Dr. Jim Yong Kim to head the World Bank was part of a plan to allow Geithner to take over the Ivy League school’s top post...“That’s why Obama nominated [Kim] for the World Bank — so that there’d be an opening,” Sonnenfeld claimed to a dinner companion at the eatery’s communal table. Seated with five other couples he didn’t know, Sonnenfeld indiscreetly claimed Geithner has since changed his mind. “They offered him the presidency of Dartmouth. But now he doesn’t want it,” said the gabby granddad. “He wants something else...Sonnenfeld also let slip that Carole Geithner “can’t wait to get out” of DC because “she has to hold her nose and entertain all these Republicans.” Sonnenfeld added, according to the witness, “Some of them she actually liked, like Jim Bunning from Kentucky. But now he’s gone. Can you imagine having to entertain John Boehner and his wife, with his fake tan?” Geithner spokesman Anthony Coley told us, “Interesting theory about Dartmouth, but to paraphrase Kissinger: ‘It has the disadvantage of being made up.'" [NYP] *It's not actually clear if he was drinking. If this is how he is sans sauce, all the better.