If You’re Gonna Keep Customers Waiting To Make Your Projections Look Good, You’re Gonna Have To Let Investors Know It
Either that or you’d better project a fine for “potential SEC considerations about our considerations.”
Uber's Quarterly Results Likely Causing Masa Son To Experience A Confusing Tumescence
Public company valued at $53 narrows quarterly losses to just over $1 billion...and, yes, those words are "narrows" and "quarterly"
It's Brian Moynihan's World, We're All Just Basking In His Sunshine
The former Eeyore of Wall Street is now a compulsive winner making life more interesting for Jamie Dimon.
Wall Street Attempting To Anticipate Appropriate Level Of Inevitable Disappointment In Uber's First Earnings Report
Can one properly pre-gauge the sucking bafflement in a $1 billion loss on $4 billion in revenue?
The Market Is Reckoning With Who Lyft Is Versus Who It Wants Lyft To Be
Lyft is the latest victim of a market that's afraid to be alone but even more afraid of an intimate long-term connection.
Market Wakes Up In Bed Next To Snap, Immediately Orders It An Uber And Reminds Itself That It Needs To Make Better Choices
What are you doing, The Market? SNAP is never going to be relationship material.
In Search For New CEO, Wells Fargo Reports A "Bless This Mess" Quarter
The Stagecoach is offering its next leader a real fixer-upper opportunity.
UBS Announces That The Q1 '19 Investment Banking Environment Was UBS-Levels Of Sucky
CEO Sergio Ermotti warns everyone that European banks might report numbers troublingly close to his bank's normal ones.
Snap Stock Soaring On News That Not Everyone Has Stopped Using Snap
Hey, it also didn't, like, kill anyone.
Deutsche Bank Turns In Disappointing Results For One Its Few Remaining Quarters
Christian Sewing now contemplating just running the whole show out of some WeWorks.
Wells Fargo Admits That It Will Remain In A Bad Bank Time Out For 2019
America’s naughtiest lender will stay under Fed punishment for the whole year.
Jamie Dimon Thinks That Things Are Looking Good Out There, Muses That They Could Perhaps Look Better
The Khaleesi of Wall Street is entering the "Dopey" portion of his pre-campaign rope-a-dope.
Stock Market Now Just Pounding IBM Through Force Of Habit
When you lose money for half a decade, people take a while to come around to acknowledging your success.
If JPMorgan Isn't Careful, Dick Bove Is Gonna Take It Out Behind The Stock Exchange And Get It Pregnant
Somebody got that Jamie Dimon thirst for REAL.
Elon Musk Reports Tesla Fourth Quarter Model 3 Production Is Definitely, Like, Way More Than None
If you work at Morgan Stanley, find Adam Jonas and hug him tight.
Chicken CEO: Politicized NFL Has Hurt Market For Wings, Leg Quarters Unaffected
And don't get him started on breasts.
We Know Nothing About Amazon, But It Knows Everything About Us
Jeff Bezos just became the richest man in the world on your can't miss Amazon short trade.
Blue Apron's First Public Quarter Offers Concrete Proof That Blue Apron Should Never Have Gone Public
This isn't a bad company, but taking it public was borderline fraudulent.
Etsy Does Everything Opposite For A Few Weeks And Now It's Profitable
Well how do ya like that?
No One Is Getting Diarrhea From Chipotle Burritos Anymore So Bill Ackman Is BACK BABY!
No one puts Acky in the corner.