UBS Announces That The Q1 '19 Investment Banking Environment Was UBS-Levels Of Sucky
CEO Sergio Ermotti warns everyone that European banks might report numbers troublingly close to his bank's normal ones.
Quarterlies
Snap Stock Soaring On News That Not Everyone Has Stopped Using Snap
Hey, it also didn't, like, kill anyone.
Deutsche Bank Turns In Disappointing Results For One Its Few Remaining Quarters
Christian Sewing now contemplating just running the whole show out of some WeWorks.
Wells Fargo Admits That It Will Remain In A Bad Bank Time Out For 2019
America’s naughtiest lender will stay under Fed punishment for the whole year.
Jamie Dimon Thinks That Things Are Looking Good Out There, Muses That They Could Perhaps Look Better
The Khaleesi of Wall Street is entering the "Dopey" portion of his pre-campaign rope-a-dope.
![By Cecile & Presbrey advertising agency for International Business Machines. [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons](https://dealbreaker.com/.image/ar_16:9%2Cc_fill%2Ccs_srgb%2Cfl_progressive%2Cg_faces:center%2Cq_auto:good%2Cw_620/MTYxMjc3NDc0NDY5NDU1ODM2/blockchain-sq.jpg)
Stock Market Now Just Pounding IBM Through Force Of Habit
When you lose money for half a decade, people take a while to come around to acknowledging your success.
If JPMorgan Isn't Careful, Dick Bove Is Gonna Take It Out Behind The Stock Exchange And Get It Pregnant
Somebody got that Jamie Dimon thirst for REAL.
Elon Musk Reports Tesla Fourth Quarter Model 3 Production Is Definitely, Like, Way More Than None
If you work at Morgan Stanley, find Adam Jonas and hug him tight.
![By Luis Miguel Bugallo Sánchez (Lmbuga Commons)(Lmbuga Galipedia)Publicada por/Publish by: Luis Miguel Bugallo Sánchez (Own work) [GFDL or CC-BY-SA-3.0], via Wikimedia Commons](https://dealbreaker.com/.image/ar_16:9%2Cc_fill%2Ccs_srgb%2Cfl_progressive%2Cg_faces:center%2Cq_auto:good%2Cw_620/MTYxMjc3MTE1MDM2MzQ2MzMy/chicken.jpg)
Chicken CEO: Politicized NFL Has Hurt Market For Wings, Leg Quarters Unaffected
And don't get him started on breasts.
Marc Lore Is Blue Apron's Last And Only Hope
The Hipster of Bentonville is APRN's Obi-Wan Kenobi.
We Know Nothing About Amazon, But It Knows Everything About Us
Jeff Bezos just became the richest man in the world on your can't miss Amazon short trade.
Blue Apron's First Public Quarter Offers Concrete Proof That Blue Apron Should Never Have Gone Public
This isn't a bad company, but taking it public was borderline fraudulent.
No One Is Getting Diarrhea From Chipotle Burritos Anymore So Bill Ackman Is BACK BABY!
No one puts Acky in the corner.
Citi Thinks Goldman's Bummer Quarter Just Makes It Even Hotter Because Failure Is So Relatable
Yeah, Michael Corbat has a Lloyd Blankfein poster in his locker, so what?
Layoff Watch '17: Deutsche Bank Looking To Free Equities And Fixed-Income Staffers Who Haven't Already Freed Themselves
At today's DB, layoffs are almost clemency.
Wells Fargo Trading Up On The Not-So-Soft Bigotry Of Extremely Low Expectations
Investors seem psyched that Wells even got out of bed today.
Twitter Doing So Great That It's Firing A Bunch Of People And Shutting Down Vine
#NothingMakesSenseAnymore
Goldman Saves The Worst For Last
Lloyd might have been a little too tender with his firing stick.
Morgan Stanley Analyst So Disappointed That Elon Musk Is Such A Total Wuss All Of A Sudden
Adam Jonas just wants things with Elon Musk to feel like they used to.