Satire
Louis Bacon Closes Hedge Fund To Ensure He Doesn’t Miss Humiliation, Incarceration Of Neighbor
He’s been waiting 10 long years for this.
Area Stock Market Still Being Gaslit By Controlling Older Boyfriend
Why would Larry Kudlow lie to Mr. Market? He LOVES Mr. Market!
Masa Son's Masterwork Is A PowerPoint Presentation About WeWork That Will One Day Hang In The Louvre
One solitary slide in the WeWork autopsy report to SoftBank investors is a true encapsulation of the artist's soul.
After WeWork's Epic Buttfumble, SEC No Longer Curious How Snap IPO Happened
Jay Clayton's people come to the conclusion that this IPO market might not be technically criminal, but it is certainly very extremely dumb.
In These Chaotic Times, We Can Still Rely On Tesla To Post A Solid Quarterly Loss
You are our constant, Elon Musk.
E*Trade Set To Announce New Commission-Based "100 Trades = 1 New Puppy" Consumer Product
"Eat shit, Schwab, we got puppies" said E*Trade in a statement.
David Shaw Made A Beautiful Hedge Trade On His Kids' Academic Futures
Throwing $1 million every year for a decade at Harvard, Stanford, Yale and Princeton, but giving only half that to Brown and Columbia? That's just solid asset management.
Bob Iger Tacitly Admits That Jamie Dimon Should Be Running Hollywood
Passing on a solid gold romcom pitch from the Khaleesi of Wall Street? Not great, Bob!
Is Trading This Market A Waking Nightmare? At Least Cocaine Is About To Be Cheaper!
Your timing is perfect, Guatemala.
Goldman Sachs Interns Want 8 Hours Of Sleep A Night And Use Their Mom's Netflix Login But Don't Want Weed To Be Legal
Where did DJ D-Sol find these narcs?
Area Billionaire Retiree Debates Himself About Socialism
Lloyd Blankfein seems lonely, you guys.
Epstein’s Former “Best Pal”: Have Pity On Poor Little Jeffrey Epstein
In a bizarre interview, Stuart Pivar claims Epstein “couldn’t help himself,” while insisting that his victims were “complicit” in their own abuse.
Never One To Fall Victim To Logic, WeWork Forging Ahead Towards An IPO
WeWork's drunkest friend begs WeWork to sober up, WeWork says "Nah, I'm good."
Marty Chavez Wants To Sell Ken Griffin An NYC Guest House
Goldman Sachs' Prince that was Promised lists his West Village crib for $19.95 million.
Masa Son Is Down $600 Million On His Uber Investment, Because Art Is Pain
This is all part of the show, you philistines.
David Solomon DJ'ed In The Hamptons And Made All The Young Finance Types Horny, Reports Bloomberg
A lot of babies will be born at Lenox Hill in about 10 months bearing the middle name "D-Sol."
Carson Block Hates Love
Burford Capital bends to The Block, admits that its CEO probably shouldn't be literally married to the CFO.
Larry Kudlow Calls CNBC To Let Them Know That Peter Navarro And Donald Trump Are Nutty Little Fruitcakes
But, like, on background [wink wink].
Neri Oxman Sends Her Trophy Husband To Bail Out A Slumping Warren Buffett
Welcome to the Ackmanaissance, Uncle Warren.
Wells Fargo Does Not Appreciate Being Taken Advantage Of, Would Like Its Money Back Now
Happy Friday, Wells Fargo tech vendors, we hope you like irony!
Gary Cohn Tells The BBC That Donald Trump Isn't Not A Racist So Now There Are More Tariffs
The Big Grundle is still not helping.
