Satire

"Eat shit, Schwab, we got puppies" said E*Trade in a statement.

Throwing $1 million every year for a decade at Harvard, Stanford, Yale and Princeton, but giving only half that to Brown and Columbia? That's just solid asset management.

Passing on a solid gold romcom pitch from the Khaleesi of Wall Street? Not great, Bob!

Your timing is perfect, Guatemala.

Where did DJ D-Sol find these narcs?

Lloyd Blankfein seems lonely, you guys.

In a bizarre interview, Stuart Pivar claims Epstein “couldn’t help himself,” while insisting that his victims were “complicit” in their own abuse.

WeWork's drunkest friend begs WeWork to sober up, WeWork says "Nah, I'm good."

Goldman Sachs' Prince that was Promised lists his West Village crib for $19.95 million.

This is all part of the show, you philistines.

A lot of babies will be born at Lenox Hill in about 10 months bearing the middle name "D-Sol."

Burford Capital bends to The Block, admits that its CEO probably shouldn't be literally married to the CFO.

But, like, on background [wink wink].

Welcome to the Ackmanaissance, Uncle Warren.

Strong start to the week, you guys.

Happy Friday, Wells Fargo tech vendors, we hope you like irony!

The Big Grundle is still not helping.

That's some memo, Leon.