Jim Cramer Clearly Hates Investment Bankers
The Mad One has a bank merger idea that indicates he yearns to bathe in the blood of I-Bankers.
Satire
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NYSE Is Triggered And Saucy About Being Called "Nice-Y" Which Is What Everyone Should Call It Forever
You should never tweet, Nice-Y.
Wells Fargo Reveals New Logo And Everything Is Fixed Now
It's hard to remember all the fraud and rapacious fees what with this clean, new look.
David Einhorn Tells Investors The Only Thing That Went Wrong in 2018 Was All Of His Investing
D-Hornz is becoming the William Faulkner of hedge fund investor letters.
Trump Administration Floating Some Names For Last Head Of The World Bank
Ivanka or David Malpass? How about the sweet release of death?
It's Getting Hard To Remember When Bill Ackman Wasn't A Golden God Of Finance
The Ackmanaissance is raging on into 2019.
Larry Ellison Joins Tesla Board As Elon Musk Positions Himself To Appear More Likable By Comparison
"Compared to Larry, Elon is kind of humble and sweet" people will say.
WeWork Changes Name In Obvious Attempt To Confuse SoftBank Into Giving It More Money
With the spigot from Masa Son turning off slowly, WeWork's self-adoration takes a dark turn.
Elon Musk Determined To Keep Legal System Aware That He Once Had A Cool Girlfriend
If you want to keep your ex-girlfriend out of a legal situation, make your lawyer file a motion all about your ex-girlfriend.
Jim Cramer Wants To Be Fed Chair
The Mad One is now openly applying to be Donald Trump's central banker.
Market Plunges In Shock After Jay Powell Does Exactly What He Said He Was Going To Do
Guess who isn't a cuck anymore...
Tom Farley's Greatest Act At NYSE Was Pranking Snap Into Going Public
It turns out that Evan Spiegel really wasn't told how the public markets work.
BNP Paribas Executive Offers Pepé Le Pew Defense In Sexual Discrimination Trial
"Oh, mon cheri, how can you be mad when you are my 'Princess'?"
Paul Tudor Jones Is Bullish AND Bearish Because It's 2018 And Markets Are Non-Binary, Man
The guy just loves animals, okay?
Larry Kudlow Being Totally Wrong All The Time Is The Only Safe Market Indicator We Have Left
Short Kuddles, get paid.
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How Are You Preparing For Today's Opening Bell?
Some ideas on how to brace yourself for the coming carnage.
Federal Reserve Research Reveals That Millennials Are Just Douchier And Poorer Versions Of Their Own Parents
The kids are not even a little bit alright.
In Best Indication Yet That Trade Progress With China Will Move Slowly, Larry Kudlow Says Trade Progress With China Will Move Quickly
Kuddles is usually wrong, but he's also usually perfectly wrong.
Jim Cramer Is Very Mad At The Stock Market For Pretending That It's Not A Bear
We're worried about Jimmy C...again.
Trump White House Resorts To Torture In Hopes Of Stopping GM Layoffs
This is getting very dark, very quickly.
Crypto Market Plunges Into "John McAfee Seasoning His Own Penis For Consumption" Territory
If Ethereum drops under $50, who eats Tom Lee's dick?