Index Fundamentals Clearly Dictated By Whims Of Illuminati And Satan
A research note from Hipster Trader.
Satire
We Have Proof That The Bull Market Is Already Dead
If you can't move a Manhattan condo for more than $10 million, then why aren't you already in cash?
Larry Kudlow Is Pretty Sure AOC Can Get It
After watching her question Jay Powell, Kuddles has a summer crush.
Homeland Security Would Like To Know If JPMorgan Wants Its Boat Full Of Cocaine Back
US Customs has $1 billion of coke with a lot of names on it.
Powell To Trump: Get Off My F'ing Lawn, Donald
The Fed Chair is apparently finally done ironing his big boy pants.
Massive Bank Merger Results In New Entity Named After The Sound A Redneck Makes When Asking For Your Car Keys
"Truist Financial Corp." is about to be the sixth largest bank in America.
JPMorgan Shareholders Attempting To Starve Jamie Dimon Into The White House
If less than 75% of these yahoos think one man shouldn't be making more than $30 million a year, he might as well go run The Free World.
Trump Mulling Putting Former Lyft Exec On Fed Board Because Who Wants To Cut Rates More Than Lyft Shareholders
The president is playing what he thinks is 3D chess again.
World's Greatest Living Financial Performance Artist Unveils New Work: Losing $130 Million By Buying Bitcoin At The Top
Masayoshi Son remains the de Kooning of money.
Like Any Cool Billionaire These Days, Steve Schwarzman Is Basically A Socialist Now
The Schwarz is having himself a heavy flow news day.
Goldman Sachs Puts All Company-Issued BlackBerrys In The Storage Room So Lloyd Blankfein Has Something To Play With
DJ D-Sol just went Joan Crawford on outdated tech.
Goldman Sachs CEO David Solomon Appears At Alma Mater Hamilton College To Prove That Elite Colleges Do Not Predict Future Success
This is the reminder of American possibility that we all needed right now.
Larry Kudlow Has Been Found Alive, Well And Back On his Bullshit
Our prayers have been answered, for Kuddles hath returned.
Where In The World Is Larry Kudlow?
The market is bleeding from the face and Kuddles is not on TV...are we all going to die?
Here Are Twenty Words Put Together For The Express Purpose Of Making You Want To Give Up Entirely On Today
We didn't know that they had Mad Libs in Hell.
Jim Cramer Clearly Hates Investment Bankers
The Mad One has a bank merger idea that indicates he yearns to bathe in the blood of I-Bankers.
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NYSE Is Triggered And Saucy About Being Called "Nice-Y" Which Is What Everyone Should Call It Forever
You should never tweet, Nice-Y.
Wells Fargo Reveals New Logo And Everything Is Fixed Now
It's hard to remember all the fraud and rapacious fees what with this clean, new look.
David Einhorn Tells Investors The Only Thing That Went Wrong in 2018 Was All Of His Investing
D-Hornz is becoming the William Faulkner of hedge fund investor letters.