Tilray Is The Leading Indicator That Everything Is Bullsh!t
Pot stocks are making investors act high.
Like A Body On Life Support Fluttering Its Eylids, General Electric Releases Quarterly Results
This financial statement is a sign of life.
Uber Cuts Marketing Headcount By A Third, Still Has 800 People Working On Marketing
Is Uber aware of permalancers?
Blue Apron Shares Popping On Fake Meat Deal Announcement And This Just Wrote Itself
Nothing says sustainable value trade on long-term audience retention like "New partnership with Beyond Meat."
Car Company Stock Soars On News That Car Company Made Cars
Tesla really is a hell of a thing.
Blue Apron Decides To Pull The Emergency Break In A Few Weeks As It Plummets Ever Faster Towards Death
If you've lost 94% of your public market value in less than one year, why not do a reverse stock-split right f'ing now?
Trump Mulling Putting Former Lyft Exec On Fed Board Because Who Wants To Cut Rates More Than Lyft Shareholders
The president is playing what he thinks is 3D chess again.
Stamps.com Stock In A Freefall As Investors Take Note That Company Is Empirically Obsolete
Hard to feel bullish on a company that just lost its only client...and also how no one really needs stamps anymore.
JPMorgan Would Like To Remind Everyone That GE Is Still An Awful Place To Put Your Money
Lest you all forget, one of the original public companies is a full and total clusterf@ck.
Ally Financial Holds Its Nose And Buys Back Its Own Stock
This is less a buyback than a desperate display of self-care.
After Giving Up On All That Hippie Do-Gooder Nonsense, Etsy Stock Is A Papier-Mâché Rocket Of Capitalist Lust
Josh Silverman should buy himself a braggy throw pillow.
As Some Idiot Predicted Months Ago, Blue Apron Is Officially A Penny Stock
If even we could see this coming, how was it allowed to happen?
GE About To Become The Most Venerated Penny Stock In Market History
Maybe SixSigma wasn't sorcery after all.
Tesla Implements New Business Strategy By Asking Suppliers For Money
Same ol' coal mine, but more canaries.
There Are Major Differences Between Facebook And The Other FAANG Stocks. Just Look At The Financials
Oh no, the intern is talking about stocks...
Dick's Stock Price Appears to be a Grower and Shower
I hope my mom doesn't see this one
The Yoga Mom And Guilty Husband Index Is Way Up Today
Lululemon and Tiffany's are joining Ralph Lauren in having a nice little trading day, so congrats, Greenwich.
BofA Analyst Who Predicted Demise Of Armchair Vol. Sellers Has A 'Notoriously Good' Leading Indicator He Needs You To Look At
You'll either listen to Michael Hartnett, or you'll end up like Seth.