Somewhere, David Einhorn Is Reading "Consumer Reports" Like Teenage David Einhorn Used To Read "Playboy"
When Tesla gets punched, Ackmania is one hell of a drug.
Tesla
Elon Musk Is Clearly Still Struggling With His Addiction To Doing Bad Tweets
The Tesla board can only help someone if he wants to help himself.
Saudi Arabia Seems Concerned About How Elon Musk's Unchecked Behavior Is Being Perceived
Turns out that the Saudis have a real problem with bad tweets.
Larry Ellison Joins Tesla Board As Elon Musk Positions Himself To Appear More Likable By Comparison
"Compared to Larry, Elon is kind of humble and sweet" people will say.
Elon Musk Determined To Keep Legal System Aware That He Once Had A Cool Girlfriend
If you want to keep your ex-girlfriend out of a legal situation, make your lawyer file a motion all about your ex-girlfriend.
As A New Year Dawns, Tesla Remains A Drama Company That Sometimes Makes A Few Cars
If Tesla still can't make enough cars, why was Elon acting so performatively crazy in 2018?
No Gelt For Greenlight
It’s safe to say that David Einhorn’s gonna be down this year unless he kills Elon Musk or something.
Elon Musk Converts An Enemy Into An Apostle
Citron's Andy Left is all "WTF? I love Tesla now!"
Elon Musk Will Buy $20 Million Of Tesla Stock In Big Show Of Make Believe That Elon Musk And Tesla Are Separate Things
"Here's some money to pay you back for that fine that "I" got, wink wink..."
Tesla Is Looking To Hire A Work Daddy For Elon Musk
Leveraging your professional legacy on the possibility that you can tame a maniac and make a billion dollars?... There's only one man for this job.
SEC Legally Daring Tesla Board To Produce Some Balls
Elon Musk no longer controls the adults in the room, wink wink.
Elon Musk Refuses To Let Brett Kavanaugh Have All The Fun Today
No one comes between Elon and a hot news cycle.
Elon Musk Hopes To Distract From His Problems By Having People Pay Him To Elaborately Murder Them In Space
If you don't stop shorting Tesla, Elon's going to shoot a Japanese guy into the fucking moon.
Goldman Sachs Punishes Elon Musk For Getting Its Hopes Up
And also makes David Einhorn’s day.
Larry Fink Would Like To See What Tesla Looks Like With Less Elon Musk
BlackRock is over this bullsh!t.
Of Course Elon Musk Isn't Taking Tesla Private
Forget the financials, everyone's favorite billionaire industrialist fuckboi was never going to quit the drama of being publicly traded.
Sometimes Genius Looks Like You’re Just Making It Up As You Go Along
Elon Musk’s totally-well-thought-out plan to take Tesla private maybe involves Goldman and Silver Lake and the Saudis, or maybe not.
Elon Musk Totally Wasn’t Lying About Going-Private Funding
For real, just call up Crown Prince Mohammad. He’ll vouch for him.