Masa Son’s Unicorns Were Actually Lemmings
The last year really could have gone somewhat better for SoftBank.
Uber
Large Investments In WeWork, Uber Apparently Bad For Business
Masa Son’s got bad news for the Saudis.
SEC Just Wondering How Citadel Securities Made Slack Look So Damned Good For Its IPO
And maybe someone can explain all these other techy gadget stocks to them, as well.
Guy Who Founded Uber Realizes He Owns Way Too Much Uber Stock
Travis Kalanick wasted no time getting about $500 million lighter on his UBER shares.
Uber's Quarterly Results Likely Causing Masa Son To Experience A Confusing Tumescence
Public company valued at $53 narrows quarterly losses to just over $1 billion...and, yes, those words are "narrows" and "quarterly"
Area Company With $4 Billion In Debt And Annual Losses Of $3 Billion Would Like To Sell You A Credit Card
Nobody handles money like Uber, so Uber needs more money to handle.
Masa Son Is Down $600 Million On His Uber Investment, Because Art Is Pain
This is all part of the show, you philistines.
Uber Saves $200K On Balloons, Tacitly Admits To Shareholders It Was Spending $200K On Balloons
Actual...f@cking...balloons.
Kraft Writes Off Another 1% Of Warren Buffett’s Cash Pile
Not literally, of course, but it’s a pleasing mathematical coincidence to all but Berkshire shareholders.
Uber Cuts Marketing Headcount By A Third, Still Has 800 People Working On Marketing
Is Uber aware of permalancers?
![Who'd want to invest in something like this? By Yinxinybyq [CC BY-SA 4.0 ], from Wikimedia Commons](https://dealbreaker.com/.image/ar_16:9%2Cc_fill%2Ccs_srgb%2Cfl_progressive%2Cg_faces:center%2Cq_auto:good%2Cw_620/MTYxMjc3Nzg3NzMzNTY3NDUy/uber.jpg)
Uber Loses $1 Billion In A Single Quarter, Market Yawns
The softest bigotry of almost no expectations.
Wall Street Attempting To Anticipate Appropriate Level Of Inevitable Disappointment In Uber's First Earnings Report
Can one properly pre-gauge the sucking bafflement in a $1 billion loss on $4 billion in revenue?
Investment Bank That Handled Uber IPO Thinks Tesla Is Probably Screwed
Morgan Stanley's Adam Jonas is the Judas Iscariot of Muskism.
Investors Psyched To Learn That Morgan Stanley Was "We Need A Naked Short"-Level Of Confident As Uber IPO Approached
If an underwriter is using a naked short to sell you insurance on an IPO and you still buy into it, you might be too dumb to have money.
Masa Son Finding Out That Absurdly Big Numbers Aren't Always Fun
After Uber IPO disappoints, SoftBank looking to make it all back on the can't miss WeWork IPO.
Company That Lost $3 Billion Last Year IPOs On Day One Of Trade War Between Two Largest Global Economies, Hilarity Ensues
The market is teaching Uber a very hard lesson about how dynamic pricing really works.
One Day After Underpromising, Uber Plans To Under-Deliver On Its IPO
"Surge pricing on our stock is a little lower than normal."
Uber Showing Growth By Lying About Itself For Smarter Reasons
When your IPO range is this absurd, even the bottom is an over-deliver.
The Market Is Reckoning With Who Lyft Is Versus Who It Wants Lyft To Be
Lyft is the latest victim of a market that's afraid to be alone but even more afraid of an intimate long-term connection.
Dow Drops 600 Points, Uber Announces IPO Will Price At Top, And Our Work Here Is Done
No one wants to hold equities today but everyone wants to hold Uber on Thursday, claims Uber.
Uber Board Debating Whether To Let Travis Kalanick Ring The Bell At IPO Ceremony In Latest Indication That Uber Is Not Ready To IPO
This is some real good Silicon Valley hubris.
Uber Will Let Citadel Make The Market For Its IPO Because Uber Is Apparently Not Taking Many Chances
After Lyft's nightmare, Uber is at a Ken Griffin level of not f@cking around.
Uber's $100 Billion IPO Is The Final Symptom Of A Very Dumb And Very Fatal Disease
The hubris of everyone's least-favorite ridesharing company is outmatched only by its pile of burning cash.
Lyft Calls Out Morgan Stanley For Being A Shady Bitch On Behalf Of Uber And The Markets Are Like "GIRRRRRL!"
The modern IPO landscape is not dumb at all.