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Uber Loses $1 Billion In A Single Quarter, Market Yawns
The softest bigotry of almost no expectations.
Uber
Wall Street Attempting To Anticipate Appropriate Level Of Inevitable Disappointment In Uber's First Earnings Report
Can one properly pre-gauge the sucking bafflement in a $1 billion loss on $4 billion in revenue?
Investment Bank That Handled Uber IPO Thinks Tesla Is Probably Screwed
Morgan Stanley's Adam Jonas is the Judas Iscariot of Muskism.
Investors Psyched To Learn That Morgan Stanley Was "We Need A Naked Short"-Level Of Confident As Uber IPO Approached
If an underwriter is using a naked short to sell you insurance on an IPO and you still buy into it, you might be too dumb to have money.
Masa Son Finding Out That Absurdly Big Numbers Aren't Always Fun
After Uber IPO disappoints, SoftBank looking to make it all back on the can't miss WeWork IPO.
Company That Lost $3 Billion Last Year IPOs On Day One Of Trade War Between Two Largest Global Economies, Hilarity Ensues
The market is teaching Uber a very hard lesson about how dynamic pricing really works.
One Day After Underpromising, Uber Plans To Under-Deliver On Its IPO
"Surge pricing on our stock is a little lower than normal."
Uber Showing Growth By Lying About Itself For Smarter Reasons
When your IPO range is this absurd, even the bottom is an over-deliver.
The Market Is Reckoning With Who Lyft Is Versus Who It Wants Lyft To Be
Lyft is the latest victim of a market that's afraid to be alone but even more afraid of an intimate long-term connection.
Dow Drops 600 Points, Uber Announces IPO Will Price At Top, And Our Work Here Is Done
No one wants to hold equities today but everyone wants to hold Uber on Thursday, claims Uber.
Uber Board Debating Whether To Let Travis Kalanick Ring The Bell At IPO Ceremony In Latest Indication That Uber Is Not Ready To IPO
This is some real good Silicon Valley hubris.
Uber Will Let Citadel Make The Market For Its IPO Because Uber Is Apparently Not Taking Many Chances
After Lyft's nightmare, Uber is at a Ken Griffin level of not f@cking around.
Uber's $100 Billion IPO Is The Final Symptom Of A Very Dumb And Very Fatal Disease
The hubris of everyone's least-favorite ridesharing company is outmatched only by its pile of burning cash.
Lyft Calls Out Morgan Stanley For Being A Shady Bitch On Behalf Of Uber And The Markets Are Like "GIRRRRRL!"
The modern IPO landscape is not dumb at all.
Lyft Stock Opens Trading At You Are All Insane Dollars Per Share
Unless the second-biggest ridesharing app just doubled revenue or halved its spending in the last three days, this feels like a bit of a premium.
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Senior Executive That Was Too Toxic For Travis Kalanick's Uber Finds A New Home At A Hedge Fund
Emil Michael has finally figured out where he'll be tolerated.
Uber Relies On CEO So Much That Even The CEO Of Uber Is Troubled By It
You guys really need to step up your game
Why Will No One Take Warren Buffett’s Gosh-Darned Money?
Uber has at last found a fundraising it can do without.
JPMorgan Poaches Carnegie Mellon's Top AI Professor In Clearest Sign Yet That Jamie Dimon Will Transfer His Brain To The Cloud And Become Immortal
Now we know what Jay-Dimez and Travis Kalanick were talking about in that photo.
Uber Cures Mark Zuckerberg's Case Of "The Mondays" By Literally Killing Someone
Not a great day to be a tech giant.
Reputed Tech Visionary To Become Actual Billionaire
Travis Kalanick is cashing in on life by cashing out on Uber.
Fidelity Subtly Hedging On Uber By Very Publicly Investing In Uber's Hated Archenemy
Someone is smirking under their pink mustache.
Uber Doesn't Need To Go Public To Face Stock-Drop Lawsuits
Uber's latest challenge comes in the form of angry firemen.