UBS

It will need it.

That or he’s taking out his frustration over being spied on out on 500 of you, and then spying on the rest of you for good measure.

We feel seen.

Sergio Ermotti barely notices the I-bank’s losses anymore, which is the point of them, right?

And uncover whether its PIs thought Iqbal Khan’s kids were Credit Suisse employees about to jump ship.

Sergio Ermotti send his apologies to the 18,000 people without jobs today as a result.

Sergio Ermotti is telling HR to "Go Aztec."

We were under the assumption that you were supposed to reward yourself for serving special interests in Congress...not punish yourself.

Do anything that might make a regulator do so much as a double take and you’re fired.

CEO Sergio Ermotti warns everyone that European banks might report numbers troublingly close to his bank's normal ones.

The Swiss lender is pretty sure all that time spent complaining about gender equity could be spent parenting that baby who ruined your career.

Maybe €4.5 billion in fines and such will finally teach those Alpine asset-hiders a thing or two?

New CEO Andrea Orcel is not the fun kind of Italian.

James von Moltke cannot believe that the press has the balls to say that anyone wants to merge with Deutsche Bank.

Sure, she’s escaping from Barclays, but still.

Sounds like a few dozen people are coming around to the idea that UBS sucks.

It just can’t stop getting slammed by perfect storms.

UBS Merger gets some steam; Fannie Mae sees an exit; Planet Fitness patrons get nude and more!