In fact, it’s going to take some magic and a miracle. And probably a decade or two.
And an enormous amount of time to talk to reporters.
What a happy coincidence.
Tracy Britt Cool will no longer be workshopping Uncle Warren’s blue material.
Welcome to the Ackmanaissance, Uncle Warren.
Not literally, of course, but it’s a pleasing mathematical coincidence to all but Berkshire shareholders.
You know things are bad when we start punning.
What’s an intrusive and cumbersome questionnaire between angry Occidental shareholders?
Alleged kidney stones, it unfortunately has to be said.
And he’s going to spend it to waste Warren Buffett’s time.
Warren Buffett and Jeff Bezos have been weighed in their scales and found wanting.
And don’t talk to him about socially-responsible investing, either.
He’s stopped driving at night, but you’ll pry his five Cherry Cokes a day from his cold, dead hands.
Pershing Square investors past and present may wonder what took him so long, but he got there, and that’s the important lesson of his spiritual journey.
The Stagecoach is offering its next leader a real fixer-upper opportunity.
But he’s sure it’ll all work out in the end, or something.
Warren’s got to get creative to save this thing.
There’s more to it than getting in early on Berkshire Hathaway, apparently.
Who in the town of Omaha has lost iFaith?
As it turns out, now was perhaps not the best time to get back into hedge funds.
35 million JPM shares? We get it, Mr. Oracle, and we're glad to have you aboard.